Opinion: Man Up – What its like being a “man” in 2016
One morning, I woke up, grabbed a cup of coffee and sat down on the couch with my dad and brother. We watched “Sacred Steel”, a show about a small custom motorcycle shop in LA, and then flipped the channel over to the film “Road House.” A classic example of 1980s action movie cheese starring Patrick Swayze as a rugged, macho bouncer. We watched and laughed at the ridiculousness of this feature, seeing things that were portrayed as “manly” qualities: strength, honor, respect, always standing up for what’s right.
You know, the classic, core values of being a man.
The definition of manliness. Patrick Swayze in “Road House.” Photo Credit: [ MGM/UA / The Kobal Collection ]
Since I can remember, I have always been taught to be honorable, in all facets of my life. If I messed up or flaked on something, I was to hold myself accountable and be up front about my indiscretion. My father taught me this, as his father before him taught him.
From my father, I learned how to change a tire, change oil in a car, stand up for myself, how to defend myself if something or someone threatened me or my loved ones physically. He taught me how to shoot a gun and cook a steak properly. He taught me how to not be uncomfortable talking to young women when I knew I’d developed an interest in them.
He taught me how to persevere and move through life, making the most of it. He taught me how to play guitar and helped me pursue my love of all things heavy metal. He taught me all of this, from day one.
My mother taught me respect, not just for strength and power, but respect for women. Not to say my father is a chauvinist and a pig, because he isn’t, he is just a product of a different times, growing up in the Motley Crüe and AC/DC-era of chasing girls but never doing anything without their consent.
My mother taught me what it was to show real respect for all people. She was the first person to tell me that a different set of genitals doesn’t mean you’re weaker or less than.
She taught me that skin color means nothing, religion means nothing and, when I was older, sexual preference did not define someone as an abomination.
She taught me to love everything and everyone, regardless of how they looked, what they believed and what they like.
2016 is an odd time for us all. Hell, the past few years have led to interesting developments. Being relatively new on this planet, I can surely tell you that I had no idea racial, sexual and ideological issues were even a thing when I was younger.
It didn’t become apparent to me until 2008, the year that racism “died.” 2008 led to the rise of the modern “social justice warrior,” a term given to people who fight against the injustices they perceive in our society. With the internet being a platform for all things instantaneous because of the advent of the smart phone. We now had a platform in which to document all wrongdoing, within five seconds of it happening.
We witnessed a redefining of what it was to be a “man.” Being a man no longer meant being able to provide for your family, being strong, being a pillar of all things masculine in the household and the world. Being a man meant respect. It meant honor and courage. It meant strength in all aspects, not just physical.
So what does it mean to be a man in my eyes? All my teachings point to the values I was taught, so clearly that’s what it means to me, right?
That actually could not be further from the truth. Being a man means one thing and one thing to me only: love.
Love for everything, love for everyone.
I don’t consider myself a man of faith, we as people immediately begin making judgments about everyone the second we see or meet them. That is just basic human nature, that’s just our brains reaching into the recesses of our primitive ways to determine if that person is a threat or not.
However, as we get to know that person potentially, we realize that this person doesn’t need to have judgment passed on them.
Our job is to see someone and call out their flaws as their friends, but always hold them in love. Looking at strangers and realizing that’s exactly what they are: strangers.
I was taught how to be a man by my parents. They taught me the values we see from back in the day, but they also taught me to love everyone, to treat everyone as equals and with respect.
This is not a critique on what we’ve seen in the news recently. Most of the young men calling Trump out are the same young men who have objectified and degraded women to a certain extent. This is a conversation I’ve had for years, with anyone who will listen with an open mind and heart.
Being a man means to love. To take care
of the world in the best way, to follow “The Golden Rule.”. Being a man means standing up for what’s right and being virtuous.
Being a man means loving to make the world a better place for all. We grow up and realize that objectification of any kind is deplorable, something that should never be done.
Growing up through realizing that we need to love and respect each other is the way we become men. Not through power, money and notches on your bedpost, but through common decency and respect for everyone.
